IBA Kidney-Saver Mod

This post is for all my shipmates and anybody else out there not fortunate enough to walk around our sandy paradise wrapped in the enviable new IOTV - all us poor saps in the clunky old second-hand IBA. I won't even bother to mention those lucky bastard with the Marines and their new MTVs. There is a lot of better gear out there. The IBA is OK for what it is - a Frankenstein system that's had more crap grafted onto it than Michael Jackson's face. (too soon?) It's a lot of necessary parts that were slapped together and rushed to the field when somebody noticed the thing was inadequate to begin with and it was costing American life and limb. The new vests represent cohesively engineered systems designed with the benefit of several years of tragedy to look back on, and thankfully they're vastly improved.

But, of course, that doesn't really concern yours truly. Anybody who has been paying attention for the last 4 months or so has probably heard enough moaning about my IBA here to reach the conclusion that I don't like it so much. That's not entirely true - I am very grateful to have it and as my alternative is no armor, this is working out pretty well. It took a few months, but I got it all adjusted and fitting properly and it really isn't that bad anymore. That said, I think it kind of sucks in a few blatantly obvious ways. With that in mind, this weekend I MacGuyvered an easy way to make a little improvement that allows me to squirm a bit less in my MRAP seat.

As you can see here, the vest as-issued has a bit of a problem out back. Despite the fact that the designers saw fit to include a massive Kevlar codpeice on the front side, they left a whole lot of real estate on the lower back uncovered. I realized this initially, but didn't give it too much thought until last week as I was waiting for a helo with my vest on, a senior officer came up and tapped me on my kidneys, mistaking my IBA for an IOTV and trying to let me know that its back flap had become tucked up in the vest. When I let him know that I don't have a back flap, nor do I have an IOTV, he became very concerned and talked to me for a while about the dangers of shrapnel as related to my extremely vulnerable kidneys and spine (without offering a solution to make me feel better about the situation - thanks a lot sir) and advised I find a way to solve that problem.

When I got back from my trip and had some time to think, I realized we were issued a pretty handy solution. If you go back to my FT Jackson posts, you'll see everybody wearing these big goofy shoulder protectors that are summarily ditched upon arrival in Kuwait. As we have to turn all our crap back in when we leave, though, we're still carrying around all the stuff we knew we wouldn't need (all 4 sea bags full of it - too much is better than not enough I suppose). So I realize I've got three square feet of Kevlar sitting in my closet. Ever the dissector and destroyer of my toys (to this day I regret taking apart the BB gun my parents gave me for my birthday in 4th grade... but I've learned. I'm better now. I CAN put stuff back together... I can also afford new stuff. Either way, I win), I set about figuring a way to put it to good use and keep a little more of my body from getting perforated if possible. Turns out there's a really easy fix to get a lot more protection on your lower back.

What you'll need - about three feet of 550 cord, a knife to cut it, and one shoulder protector (or both, if you want to double-up. I used one and it's comfortable. Two might be a squeeze - you'll see why). I tried to find a way to use the massive amount of velco on the shoulder protectors to make this a more easily removable mod, but I couldn't figure it out. Luckily there are MOLLE straps on both sides that work just fine with 550 cord - you could probably also use Malice clips or D rings if you want, but that seems like it would turn out a little awkward to me.

I've used the my mastery of the magic of Photoshop CS4 to highlight the MOLLE points you want to work with in blue below.



Open up your vest and lay it out flat with the interior facing up. Place the shoulder protector inside it, flat end toward the bottom of the vest and exterior side down, positioning it such that the bottom of the protector extends about 4-6 inches below the bottom of the back SAPI plate. Mine looks like this:


You probably won't need all three feet of cord, but it's better to err on the long side as you can always go shorter - no so much, the other direction. You'll need to cut two equal length pieces of about 10 inches and another two of about 5. On the inside of the vest, reach up under the neck guard and locate the two MOLLE points used to attach it to the back panel of the vest. Run both of the long cords from the interior of the shoulder guard up through that point - make sure it's the anchor point on the vest and not the similar looking neck guard strap already passing through it - and back down to make a loop. Adjust up or down to set the amount you want the guard to extend below the back plate, and tie both off, making sure to at least triple knot it - 550 cord is slippery and can pull loose if not tied properly. Finished product looks like this:


Next flip the whole vest over and find outboard loop of the upper MOLLE point on the exterior of the shoulder guard and line it up with the last, lowest outboard loop on the back of the vest before you hit the side SAPI carrier straps. Tie two more loops with the short cords securing the guard in place, and you're good to go. Should look like this:


Too easy.

Sure you're out a shoulder guard, but in 4 months in this country I've seen about three people actually wear them, which means you probably aren't making a sacrifice. Plus, given the choice between a limb and a vital organ, I'll take amputee. I'm confident that the prosthetics industry is not far from being able to make me into Bionic Commando, which might be cooler than my real arms anyway. Do it.


Finished product extends 9mm/shrapnel protection over your lower back.

Before.

After.

The wall.

I think I've hit it. That point in the deployment where everything that used to be new and exciting has lost it's luster, work is no longer interesting, and the days drag like never before. Pretty much there. A lot has been going on in the detainee ops world that has made my life very, very unpleasant as work becomes more tedious file managing and less anything that resembles something stimulating.

Probably a factor in my non-blogging of late. I'm not really looking to air my grievances in a public forum, and grievances are about all that have been worked up over the last two months. I can't even discuss the details that would make any of it comprehensible.... which complicates writing a public blog about my life here, as you can imagine. Oh well... might as well stick to the play-by-play. Recent events include:

Baghdad - spent 8 days (that were supposed to be 2) on beautiful FOB Cropper, part of the VBC next to Baghdad International Airport, home to one of our last remaining detainee internment facilities. It's an interesting place, but typical VBC in its overcrowded ugliness and laughable asinine tension. Senior enlisted without enough work to do prowl the streets hunting for soldiers with their glow-belts on over the wrong shoulder - what could be WORSE in a war zone than a uniform violation? Nothing on Cropper, that's for sure. I had some good times with my buddies who are working there, but getting stuck again sucked and in general I try to spend as little time with insurgents, in prison or out, as I can. So my Cropper days ended as soon as the dust settled.

And speaking of the dust - if I can get away with saying this and not jinxing us, the dusty season appears to have past. I've been able to see the stars at night for two weeks straight now and I haven't had to spit out mud after walking up to a mile, which is a good measure of air quality here. In fact, I think a mudless mile is the gold standard. We're clear. Unfortunately that also means it's hotter. Confirmed 125 degrees a few days ago. You get used to it though... it's really bizarre. I think it's a combination of having to wear excessive clothing everywhere and knowing that no matter how uncomfortable you are, no one cares and you can't avoid it so it's not even worth getting spun up about. Just go about your business. It's hot. And?

Tikrit - though COB Speicher is just outside of Tikrit, we don't exactly wander into town for drinks on the weekend. I managed to work my way onto the manifest for a mission into town to meet with the chief judge of Salah Ad Din province to discuss investigations and other issues associated with my mission. It was a great trip and the court was truly impressive - I have to say they run a more professional and advanced operation here than even CCCI in Baghdad, which is considered by most here to be the flagship judicial body.... probably because we made it a few years ago and nobody wants to admit we have an ugly baby. The court in Tikrit actually has copies of the Bible and the Torah for witnesses to swear on. Pretty enlightened by middle-eastern standards. I doubt you'll find something like that in some of the more advanced countries in this part of the world.

Mosul - This was my most recent little jaunt, just taking place yesterday. I flew up to go on a similar mission into town to meet with the chief judge of Ninewa province, only to find that the passenger capacity had been reduced and I didn't make the cut. This information was relayed to me several minutes after we landed... and was apparently known to people I work with on Speicher several DAYS before we took off. Thanks guys. Regardless of the total flop there, it was good to get off Speicher again and see a new base. FOB Marez/Diamondback is the base complex there, and it sits on a hill on the southwest side of the city overlooking all of Mosul. I didn't take any pictures... I was a little to tired and heated about getting bumped from the mission to motivate for some tourism, but now I'm regretting it. Mosul is a lot cooler looking than the desert here. Much more topography - there are a lot of hills and even a mountain or two, and a big river (Tigris?) going through the middle of the city. As my shipmate here before me put it "Mosul looks like I pictured the Bible." He's actually right - Mosul is apparently the biblical city of Ninevah (hence Ninewah province - don't know why the city name changed).

The base sits right up against the edge of the city... pretty much in it, although now that we're "out of the cities" I guess I just have to adjust my definition of city limits. I always thought a spot surrounded on 4 sides by city was actually in the city, but you know I was wrong on that one. Just over the wall from where I stayed was a huge mosque, and during the evening call to prayer they had what sounded like 4 or 5 guys going absolutely nuts singing on the loudspeaker for about 45 minutes. Ramadan just started, so I imagine they up the ante a bit. It was pretty surreal to hear that going on and look out over the city as the sun set. I walked out to the wire and just stood there appreciating it for a while.

I do have a good story that developed recently. I won't say where or when for operational safety, but I was out with one of our civilian investigators going to meet with some Iraqi investigators sent out by the central government to work in the provinces - kind of like FBI types in the US. I didn't know we were going to be leaving the base, as we were driving a civilian SUV with no armor, we were in soft uniforms, and it was just me, him, and our interpreter.

As we get close to one of the gates, he pulls out a magazine and puts it in his weapon. "Are we going amber?" I say. (The Army doesn't use the term "yellow," but applies colors to describe weapon state, whereas USN/USMC use numbers. A Green weapon is unloaded, an Amber weapon has a magazine in it, and a Red weapon has a round chambered ready to fire - depending on your circumstances, you adjust weapon posture accordingly - on base you're usually Green) "You should probably go red," he tells me as he racks his slide and chambers a round. Somewhat shocked, I realize he's driven us straight off the base and we're out in town in a damn Mitsubishi by ourselves. I quickly follow suit with my weapon and politely inquire what the game plan is, and points to a building just a few hundred meters away... next to the two large piles of rubble that used to be buildings until a VBIED leveled them a few weeks ago. Turns out the area is actually an Iraqi facility and the road is... kind of secured, but it's definitely not my ideal way to travel.

So we get down to the building and go inside, and it's a typical Iraqi security force facility. Tons of dudes milling about in various states of undress, some sleeping on the ubiquitous office beds (work day ends at 2pm, then it's nap time. Not kidding.), all manner of unidentifiable schmeg staining the walls and floor, smells like an unwashed jock strap. Good times. We meet with an Iraqi Colonel for a while and talk to him about his cases, security in the city, etc. and we come upon the subject of Explosive Ordnance Disposal. The Iraqi approach to EOD tends to be very different than our extremely professional technical methods. When Iraqis find an IED or unexploded ordnance, they have a habit of just shooting at it until it explodes and calling it a day. Sometimes they clear civilians from the area before they do this, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they use rifles from afar, sometimes they use pistols, necessarily very close. Sometimes they just pick the damn things up and start pulling wires out. I think it goes without saying that this results in a lot of unnecessary death and dismemberment.

So they dude is telling us that his guys just found an IED outside the building and they didn't shoot it, so he wants EOD to come over and render it safe and take some pictures. We're totally excited at this point because this represents a pretty huge breakthrough in terms of safety and professional investigative methods, so we quickly agree and get down to details.

We ask how big it is. He draws a roughly ice chest sized box with his hands, which is typical. We ask what it looks like. It's insulating foam painted to look like cement with a bunch of mortar rounds inside - also standard. This is going somewhere, very good work we tell him. Now for the big money - where is it? He gestures off to his 7 o'clock and says something, and our interpreter looks a little confused, so they go back and forth a bit and finally the terp looks at us and says "It's here." Here? What do you mean, here? They go back and forth some more in Arabic and our terp finally squirms a bit and gives us the details.

They have a large, intact IED in a closet down the hall. The Colonel assured us it was cool because he had someone watching it -literally a kid in man-capris sitting on a stool outside the door.

This is the part where we freaked out a bit. Appearances and relationships are big here and we couldn't really run away without offending the guy, so we grabbed one of his officers and made some big deal about needing to bring him back to the base to make copies of a case file before everybody quit for the day, and then it was time to GTFO.


Solid afternoon.

LTG Black, Judge Advocate General of the Army. Awesome guy - smoked a cigar, offered me a job, and posed for this glamor shot.

GEN Petraeus - Kind of a big deal. Leather bound books, rich mahogany... you know the deal.

Baghdad's northern suburbs, coming in from Taji.

Very big man in a very small car.

Predator predating over the range on Speicher.

Home on the range.

The old boss with the new boss. I think Saddam's Heisman is a little more convincing.

The old Bait & Switch...

I know, I know. I totally jerked you all around. Talked real big about taking you on my adventures, teased you with crappy videos from my camera, and promised the world in a pretty little digital bundle... only to drop off the grid for a month and a half and leave everybody hanging.

I'm sorry.

I can change.

I can be better if you just give me another chance.

Anyway, a lot has been going on and I've literally lacked the energy to put together anything worthwhile. In the last month I've been to Baghdad again, and true to form I got stuck - set a new record by quadrupling my intended trip length. Dealt with some serious drama in the office (not of my doing, of course. I'm a well behaved young man.) Met two Generals with a total of 7 stars between them, one of whom offered me a job in Army Special Forces (I said no - extremely tempting, but I'm too partial to the beach - holding out for a Naval Special Warfare gig), took over all TF 134 MND-N operations as my shipmate here has redeployed, bought a hookah from some real live Iraqis, and secured an extension of my tour that will keep me in place another 6 weeks.

So a lot has been happening. Good and bad - some I will talk about, some I will choose not to, but I promise great detail and of course pictures... just not tonight. For I am le tired, and I have to be up at 0230 (4 hours from now) to pick up some distinguished visitors from the helo pad, so tomorrow is going to suck enough without me ranting and cropping pictures for hours.

Also, there will be a monumental camel spider update.


So with that, I bid you adieu for the evening and leave you in the capable hands of the governor of my great State, who, as you can see, is quite conspicuously awesome.